Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
