I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
