Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
