Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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