I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize