Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
