Don't make out with my wife yet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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