It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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