like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
