I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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