I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
