I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
