I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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