Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
