and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
