Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Congratulations! We have a period
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
