i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize