So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
