I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
