yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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