She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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