I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
