her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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