one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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