he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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