Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
