Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize