I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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