he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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