Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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