I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
