I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
