i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
