every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
