The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
