I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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