the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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