Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
