They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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