I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
