Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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