I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
