He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
