I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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