I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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