Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
