I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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