Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
