i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
