Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
