you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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