Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
