If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
