Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
