And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
