Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize