corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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