His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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