the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
