Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
