At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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