Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
