i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
