Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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