he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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