we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
