hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Randomize
