So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
