i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize