it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
