dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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