Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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